Secrets & Light Episode 4: Karen, Wendy, Cindy & Dawn, Together Part 2

Recently I decided to read the Gospel of John in the Bible
with fresh eyes. Basically this entails trying to forget I know any of the
information contained therein and try to take it in like  I’m reading it for the first time. I’m doing
this in an effort to know Jesus more and differently than before.

In my quest to do this I came upon a verse in chapter one (Amplified version) that
I had never seen before. It’s this one – verse 13, that I made a graphic of. I
can’t believe I didn’t notice it before. When I came across it this time, it deeply spoke to me. 

For a long time I’ve said
that I feel like I was dropped out of heaven, not really of
this world. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not implying that I’m God or any
type of god, or an angel. Certainly not. What I am saying is that I’ve never
felt like I fit in here. A huge part of that is all the pieces that are still
missing. I have very little  information to speak of about my first two months of existence in the hospital and foster care. I have no photos of myself before three months of age.   I have heard many adoptees say they have a hard time feeling like they
truly exist because they don’t know where they came from or who they came from.There are many unanswered questions, and my bio mother chose to go to the grave refusing to answer them.  So, I give God the credit for getting me here. He gets all the gratefulness.Thank you, John 1:13. You rock. I am born of God.

 I’ve been waiting to know who my biological father is for 54
years. It shouldn’t be this way for anyone on the planet. It’s simply absurd that any human being would not know where they come from. But for some of us,
it’s reality. And, as wonderful as your current life may be, you still want to know where it all originated.   I’ve had some sad days in the journey of waiting to
know my bio father, or know about him if he’s no longer living or rejects me. But long ago I decided I wasn’t going to let it
steal my joy.   Ziplining with my family in Mexico.Life is never problem free. So, we’ve got learn to enjoy our life even
though we have troubles. Doing my Titanic pose in Guatemala last year.I’ve been waiting so long to know who my bio father is, it’s hard to imagine not being in the circumstance anymore of not knowing who I come from. But that day is coming.

As I wait for it,  I’m going to enjoy the heck out of life. I make it a point to celebrate everything from the mundane to the
miraculous. 

I savor my first cup of coffee in the morning and actually
start thinking about it the night before. (Yes, seriously. Sometimes I break down and make a cup at night even though I know the caffeine isn’t a good idea.) I never get tired of the coffee bar my husband surprised me with a few years ago when I came home from Africa. It’s never lost on me what an amazing man he is to do this for me. Speaking of my husband, he’s been mine for 33 years of marriage and two years of dating. We still enjoy each other. Plenty of people complained during the pandemic that their partner was driving them crazy and they couldn’t wait to get out of the house. Not us. We found out, we still like each other.  From an itty bitty studio apartment our first year of marriage where we didn’t have two nickels to rub together…to now when we are blessed beyond belief…  We are still happy. This was my face when he surprised me on my birthday two years ago with an upgrade to a suite on our cruise. I was happy during the early days of marriage when I was figuring out how to make a package of four pieces of chicken last an entire week.  I would mix it with a few potatoes, onions and a can of  tomatoes and stew it. It got us through and we were loving life. I’m just as happy now when he’s surprising me with crazy nice stuff but if it all went away tomorrow, I would still be happy. It’s not about material things, but I’m thankful for everything.  I treasure every moment with my family. I can’t wait to do the
next thing with them.Family Cruise to Alaska 2019Jordan, Tori and Mila Livvy and Brody I adore our sweet puppy. Manchester Shrodes

Manny is my unofficial support animal, my official snuggle buddy and nap partner.I take time to really celebrate every success at work before
moving on to the next project.   Thrive 2019 at the Ocean Center Arena, Daytona Beach I am mindful with every class I take at SEU what a blessing it is to have the opportunity to further my education . I am
appreciative of every moment with my classmates, knowing that we won’t always have
these times together as a group. We will graduate in May 2022 and our lives
will go on.   

As much as I love to travel and explore, I take joy in being at home relaxing on a rainy day, reading books from another special space Larry created for me.   Books have ALWAYS made me happy…Yes, this is really me, taking every opportunity to read.Walking outdoors and bike riding always makes me feel on top of the world. Like I could do anything, and solve the world’s problems.  Bike riding in Alaska –  2019.Bath bombs,
body butter, and the coziness of candlelight make me really happy. Actually, ridiculously happy. I light candles every day at our home.I am fond of creating meals for our family or going out to dinner. I get excited just to set the table. Taking photos is a regular thing, like with the eggplant this past week that I made for us to celebrate Lexi’s homeschooling accomplishments with the kids. 

I don’t have to wait until I have found my bio father and paternal
family to enjoy life to the fullest. But that doesn’t mean I don’t really want to find them. There is always that longing no matter how happy I am. I’ve spoken to hundreds of adoptees about this, and find a lot of agreement on this.  Speaking of finding my paternal family…

There are more leads right now.

We are getting closer.

We never give up.Ever.

I have the best friends who join me in working on the search.
They have been faithful for years, especially Gayle Lechner, my favorite minion. She is still not done overturning every stone in Richmond, Virginia and I love that she won’t ever stop.  Gayle

We ask the questions and believe for answers. We pray to find kind, helpful people who understand. Most of
the time we do.  When we don’t, I remind
myself that nothing worth it is every easy.

If you are an adoptee and you are searching, I
encourage you to enjoy your life while you
are waiting. Our family jumping for joy, back when the kids were in high school.If you have already finished your search and experience
secondary rejection (been there, done that) you can also enjoy your life
despite that terrible reality you face. There is life after secondary
rejection. That’s another post for another day. 

No matter what circumstance you face, delight in the sweet
parts of your life. You’ve already lost enough. Hold on to happiness like a hair on a grilled cheese sandwich!!Fun moment with the Guatemala missions team last year. Favorite day!