In every relationship—romantic, familial, or even the one we have with ourselves—emotions are the threads that connect us. But what happens when these threads become tangled or strained? Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can provide a way to restore and strengthen these connections. Created by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT works by addressing core emotional needs and building a deeper understanding of how our attachments shape our relationships. By allowing us to truly see, hear, and empathize with those we care about, EFT can transform how we relate to others and ourselves.
At Be Your Best Self & Thrive, our team of clinicians—including Jessi Deleo, Rochelle Young, and Jamie Molnar—can help by infusing EFT techniques in session to help individuals, couples, and families find lasting healing and secure, trusting connections.
In this blog, we’ll take you through the basics of EFT, share some real-life examples to illustrate its impact, and answer common questions about this transformative approach. Whether you’re looking to repair a relationship, grow within yourself, or reconnect with a loved one, EFT might just be the missing piece.
Key Takeaways
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What EFT Does: Helps clients connect emotionally with themselves and others, addressing core needs and emotions that affect their relationships.
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Who Can Benefit: Ideal for couples, individuals, or families experiencing emotional distress, disconnection, or conflict.
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Primary Structure: EFT involves three stages—de-escalation, restructuring, and consolidation—that promote healing, trust, and empathy.
Emotionally Focused Therapy: The Basics
What is EFT?
Emotionally Focused Therapy is a structured, evidence-based approach that uses attachment theory to explore the role emotions play in our relationships. By uncovering and addressing core emotional needs, EFT helps clients better understand their patterns, vulnerabilities, and the underlying issues that shape their connections with others.
Focus of EFT
EFT primarily seeks to enhance emotional bonds by fostering awareness of underlying attachment needs. This means guiding clients to express emotions in ways that bring about understanding, support, and a sense of security. Clients learn to identify and communicate their emotional needs and respond to those of others in healthier, more empathetic ways.
When EFT is Most Useful
EFT can be beneficial for a variety of situations, including:
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Couples dealing with recurring conflicts or emotional disconnection
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Individuals struggling with self-worth or attachment challenges
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Families looking to improve communication and rebuild trust
Who Benefits Most from EFT
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Couples who feel disconnected and want to strengthen their bond
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Individuals working through past traumas or attachment-related issues
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Families who need guidance in managing emotional conflict or improving communication
Clinician Feature
Our skilled therapists at Be Your Best Self & Thrive—Jessi Deleo, Rochelle Young, and Jamie Molnar—can use EFT in their sessions based on the unique needs of each client. With specialized training and extensive experience, they bring empathy, understanding, and a passion for helping clients achieve meaningful change through EFT.
Learn more about each clinician at BYBS:
Real-Life Case Studies: The Power of EFT in Action
Case 1: Reconnecting in a Marriage After Years of Drift
Sarah and Alex, a married couple of over ten years, found themselves in a relationship that felt more like a cohabitation agreement than a loving partnership. The daily demands of work, parenting, and life in general had slowly chipped away at their closeness, leaving them feeling frustrated and lonely, even while sharing the same home. They knew they loved each other, but they had no idea how to rekindle the spark they once shared.
During their EFT sessions, Sarah and Alex began to identify the hidden emotions and unmet needs behind their frustrations. With guidance, Sarah was able to express her feelings of being unheard, while Alex began to understand that his tendency to withdraw was actually causing Sarah more pain. Through the de-escalation phase of EFT, they gradually broke down barriers and began responding to each other’s needs with empathy rather than resentment. By rebuilding trust and practicing open communication, they rediscovered a connection they thought was lost, gaining tools to keep their relationship strong.
Case 2: Healing After Past Trauma to Build New Love
Monique, a single mother, had finally begun dating again after years of painful relationships. She met someone who was kind and caring, but her fear of being hurt left her hesitant to commit emotionally. Past trauma had caused Monique to shut down whenever things got too close, and she feared this would sabotage yet another promising relationship.
Through EFT, Monique learned to identify the root of her anxieties and open up about her fears. Her therapist guided her to reframe her past experiences in a way that allowed her to feel in control of her future. Monique practiced expressing her emotions honestly, and over time, her relationship grew stronger. She felt a sense of freedom in sharing her vulnerabilities, knowing her partner could understand and support her. EFT not only helped Monique find healing for herself, but it also enabled her to nurture a relationship built on trust and respect.
Case 3: Restoring Trust and Understanding in a Family Relationship
Samantha and her teenage daughter, Mia, had a strained relationship full of misunderstandings and frustration. Samantha, a single mother juggling work and home life, felt overwhelmed and unappreciated, while Mia felt her mother didn’t understand her struggles and was always quick to judge.
During family EFT sessions, both Samantha and Mia were encouraged to express their feelings openly. Samantha shared how hard she was working to provide for the family, while Mia opened up about the pressures she was facing at school. They learned to view each other’s struggles from a place of empathy and love rather than judgment and resentment. Over time, EFT helped them develop tools to address issues without escalating into arguments. Samantha and Mia’s relationship shifted from one of tension to one where they could openly communicate, trust, and appreciate each other’s efforts.
Q&A
Q1: How is EFT different from other therapy methods?
A: EFT focuses on emotions and attachment patterns, specifically aiming to build stronger emotional bonds. Unlike some therapies that center on behavior or thought patterns, EFT helps clients understand the role of emotions in their relationships and address their core attachment needs.
Q2: Is EFT only for couples, or can individuals benefit as well?
A: While EFT is widely known for its success with couples, it’s also effective for individuals who want to work on self-compassion, attachment patterns, or healing from past trauma.
Q3: How quickly can clients expect to see results from EFT?
A: EFT is a structured approach with three stages, so while progress depends on the individual, many clients experience improvements in emotional understanding and connection within a few sessions, with deeper benefits over a few months.
Q4: Can EFT be beneficial for families as well?
A: Yes! EFT helps family members connect, understand each other’s emotional needs, and communicate more effectively, fostering a healthier family dynamic.
Q5: Does EFT work for people with a history of trauma?
A: Absolutely. EFT provides a supportive, compassionate space where people can explore past wounds and develop emotional resilience, often helping clients process trauma and build secure attachments in new relationships.
Conclusion
Emotionally Focused Therapy offers a unique pathway to reconnecting with ourselves and those we care about. By addressing core emotions and attachment needs, EFT guides clients to healthier, more empathetic relationships. Whether it’s a couple rebuilding trust, a family finding common ground, or an individual healing from past pain, EFT holds the potential for meaningful transformation.
Message from the Content Creator
Thank you for exploring EFT with us at Be Your Best Self & Thrive. If you’re curious about this therapy or ready to deepen your emotional connections, our clinicians are here to guide you on your journey to a healthier, more connected life.
Alayna Dorfman
